Twist of Fate

So you know those tv shows where the guy just can't catch a break? The one where everything he does looks bleak, but in the end it all turns around in a surprisingly happy twist? Well I am beginning to think that character is my beloved husband. First he has this accident, then he is told that his recovery is going to be a bit different than they had anticipated. Now he gets laid off.
Yup...while he is home lying on the couch recuperating from a 23 foot fall, he is asked to come to the office for a meeting. Now this is not a shock to us, we have seen the writing on the walls for weeks. Since the genius HR person emailed him and said she was not sure they could afford his position any longer. Since he was getting daily phone calls from vendors saying that the company was going to be placed on credit hold for non-payment. So he gets to the office and the desk is cleared and here are 2 large empty boxes sitting on his desk. Hmmmm I wonder what could be going on here? DUUUUUH. The funniest part is that the HR bitch and his boss actually didn't think he knew what was going on. When he said to them that he knew it a few weeks ago they seemed surprised. Wow, what does it say for them when they think the people they hire cannot figure out what is going on when they (in writing in and email) say they are not sure they can afford his position. There IS a reason I call the owner of the company WalTARD.
Here is the thing...this is a bit of a delightful twist of fate for us. You see, had T not taken the flying leap that he did he would have been sitting at work doing his job and thinking that things were fine. He would not have had the financial backup of Workman's Comp paychecks coming in. He would have been working 60 hours a week only to find out that the company cannot make payroll. T got a severance and has the back up of Workman's Comp. They laid off other people who did not get the severance and do not have that back up. Again, the fates are looking out for us...in a weird way.
We do not regret our decision to move here. He does not regret working for the company that moved us 2000 miles from my family. You see, we know that at the end of this there will be the happy ending (not like in a massage parlor either). We count ourselves lucky that we got out of Colorado before the horrible job slump happened. There are no jobs there at all. Here Tim has opportunities and there are many exciting things going on within his industry. We are very positive about the outlook and know for sure that this will all end with a deep sigh of relief and with us being exactly where we need to be.
And we will be kicking it off with a party for all the laid off employees this weekend. And I will have a t-shirt made up for my husband. Drunk Unemployed Handicap...D.U.H. Hehehe.

Happy Anniversary!!!

This is my wedding cake, from my wedding EXACTLY 1 YEAR AGO today.

Yes, it is true...one year ago today I married the love of my life. My true soulmate. He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I never could have imagined the fascinating journey we would begin that day.

And what a first year...people say that there are a few big stressors in a person's life. They are marriage (or divorce), moving, job change and accident or illness. These are the things that can cause the highest amount of stress on a person. And can cause the most damage to relationships. Well, in our first year of marriage we have done all of them. It has been a hell of a year!!!

My wedding ring has always been a source of great pride for me...it took a long time to get here and I am so happy that I am married to Tand wearing his ring. My ring symbolizes our committment to each other, to our family and to our marriage. But now it also is a badge of honor. It has taken a lot for us to travel down the road we have gone down that last year. We have battled and there were times that I was unsure. We have fought each other, we have fought with others, we have fought with others FOR each other, and we have fought to be where we are. And, like any battle worn vet, we are stronger from it.

I know without a doubt that all of the trials and tribulations of the past year have been a gift to us. They have given us the opportunity to show each other what we are made of. We have been given the gift of seeing ourselves through our spouse's eyes. We have given each other the gift of pure vulnerability and the reward of the strength of arms to hold us tight during those storms. It has been a gift to learn and to live and to laugh through all of the past year.

I loved my wedding cake. At the time I thought there was nothing sweeter than that piece of cake being fed to me by my new husband. I had no idea that the tiny morsel of cake was nothing in comparison to the delicious life that I would start on July 7th with my husband and family.

Luck of the 7's......I took a gamble and won the jackpot!!!

This man is my hero.

This is myhusband 5 days after the accident that changed our lives. His arms are bruised and cut.

This man is my hero. This the only picture I feel comfortable posting after his accident. It has been 5 weeks tomorrow since the accident. And this man is my hero....I do not know how he does what he does every day. I only know that I am thankful every day that he does it for and with me.

For you my Lobster, you are my inspiration......

Now you will feel no rain
For each of you will be the shelter to the other
Now you will feel no cold,
For each of you will be the warmth for the other.
Now there is no more loneliness for you,
Because now you are two bodies
Yet there is only one life set before you.
Now enter into the days of your togetherness

That your days may be good and beautiful upon this earth

Where is Ashton?

It started as any other day would...alarm, shower, dash off to work. But that is where it ends. The rest of my day was an episode of Punk'd. I am certain I will be showing upon MTV any day now!

I drink 20 ounces of Pepsi, so I have to pee. The bathroom at the office is a community bathroom shared by all of the businesses in the building. There are 2 stalls in a 15 x 15 room. It started innocently enough, I go in and 1 stall is in use so I go to the other. Just as I am sitting the stall door, another woman came in to wait for the next available stall. I am just sitting down on the porcelain goddess when the giant air bubble that had been fermenting in my stomach for the last 3 days decided to burst. Just as my bubble started to burst, the door opened again. At the volume of a jet engine, PPPPPFFFFFLLLLLRRRRTTTT!!!! Well, the asshole explosion that I just had was also accompanied by the smell of a dead, fermented rabbit. What do I do? I cannot possibly sit there in my own methane anal leakage....so I finish my pee and walk out the door. Giggling and being sure to not make eye contact I say excuse me (for soooo many things at that moment) and wash my hands and leave.

Oh it does not end there, I go back to my office and I-M one of my friends about my latest faux pas (or more appropriately, fart pas). She instantly sends me the link to You tube. I click on it, not realizing that my computer speakers are at rock concert level and hear instantly PPPPPPFFFFFLLLLLRRRRRTTTTT!!!!! I panic and laugh hysterically while clicking on the X to completely close out the internet connection. Ok, where is the camera?

Oh but does it stop there???? NOOOOOO, not for me. I had even had a conversation with a friend about how my day would continue to be a practical joke. I had to take the husband to the hospital for a check up...we joked about how I would trip someone, or trip myself.

At the hospital with my husband, I hand him a water bottle without looking and I hit him in the face. I was sure that would be it....haha...that is the end of my day. Ummmm, no.

We go back to get the check and my husband is having sutures removed. He and I are joking around in order to keep his mind off of the painful cleaning procedure that is going on. One of the doctors walks in to talk to the doctor working on my husband and mutters a few things and then says my name. Now, it is very obvious that I am there with my husband. I have a purpose. The doctor turns to me and says, "Are you here for the research project?" WHAT???? Why does this woman feel ok to randomly look at a person and ask if they are part of a research project? IS it because I have developed a pronounced eye twitch due to the recent stress, or because of the planet sized zit growing just under my nose, or the slightly green color I have achieved from watching the doctor remove layers of skin and scab from my husband's wounds? Or is it the combination of all of the above? But really...do you just blurt that kind of thing out????

I finally stop snorting with laughter and we are almost ready to leave the hospital. We go to make the follow up appointment for an MRI. The woman making the appointment sucks away at her Tootsie Pop and clicks away at the keys on her computer. She finally acknowledges us and begins the checklist of questions for MRI procedures..."do you have a pace maker? do you work with metal? do you have any brain implants?" Ok stop right there..What? Do you have any brain implants??? No, but we'd like to add one. I literally had to leave the room I was laughing and snorting at that one. C'mon where is the camera???

Ok it must be done. We go home. I turn on the tv to watch our favorite show, Cash Cab, and make dinner. I listen intently to the question ready to beat my husband to the answer. Question: What it the simple explosive device insurgents are using against Americans in Iraq? My husband blurts out the answer IUD's!!!!! Yes, lover the Iraqi women are hiking up their burkahs and flexing their vaginal floor muscles and shooting the soldiers with their Intrauterine Birth Control Devices!!!!
Ok let me summarize my Candid Camera Award winning day.....It was very much like the end of the new drug ads....
"Research projects have shown the side effects include anal methane gas leakage, intense embarrassment, stomach cramps due to laughter, brain implant malfunction and uncontrollable intrauterine device discharge. "